Kalyāṇa Kalpataru (The Desire Tree of Auspiciousness)

Part Two
Upalabdhi (Realization)

Chapter One

Anutāpa-lakṣaṇa-upalabdhi (Repentance)

Song 5

Text 1

ore mana kleśa-tāpa dekhi je aśeṣa
abidyā asmitā āra abhinibeśa durbāra
rāga dweṣa ei paca kleśa

O my heart, I see five endless sufferings: 1. avidyā (ignorance), 2. asmitā (false ego), 3. abhiniveśa (being absorbed in material things), 4. durvāra rāga (irresistable attachment), and 5. dveṣa (aversion).

Text 2

abidyātmā-bismaraṇa asmitānya-bibhābana
abhinibeśānye gāḍa-mati
anye prīti rāgāndhatā bidweṣātmā biśuddhatā
paca kleśa sadāi durgati

1. Avidyā (ignorance) comes from forgetting the Supreme Lord. 2. Asmitā (false ego) comes from directing one’s thoughts away from the Supreme Lord. 3. Abhiniveśa (being absorbed in material things) comes from rapt meditation on things other than the Supreme Lord. 4. Durvāra rāga (irresistable attachment) comes from blind love for things other than the Supreme Lord. 5. dveṣa (aversion) comes from the struggle to purify the soul. These five sufferings always torment me.

Text 3

bhuliyā baikuṇṭha-tattwa māyā-bhoge su-pramatta
āmi āmi koriyā bedāi
e āmāra se āmāra e bhābanā anibāra
byasta kore’ mora citta bhāi

Forgetting the world of Vaikuṇṭha, I became mad for Māyā’s pleasures. With “I”, “I”, I surrounded myself. Again and again I thought, This is mine, and that is also mine. O my brothers, in this way my heart was filled with anxieties.

Text 4

e roga-śamanopāya anweṣiyā hāya hāya
mile baidya sadya jamopama
āmi brahma māyā bhrama ei auṣadhera krama
dekhi’ cintā hoilo biṣama

I searched for a way to cure this disease. Alas! Alas! I met a physician who was like death personified. He said, I am the Supreme Brahman. Māya‘ is to be unaware of that truth. Now I see that his medicine brought me unbearable pain.

Text 5

eke to’ rogera kaṣṭa jamopama baidya-bhraṣṭa
e jantraṇa kise jāya mora
śrī-caitanya doyāmoya koro jadi samāśroya
pāra habe e bipada ghora

On one side is the disease of materialism. On the other side is the demon physician of impersonalism, a physician like death personified. How will I escape my troubles? If I take shelter of merciful Lord Caitanya, I will easily cross over these horrible calamities.