Kārpaṇya Pañjikā – ‘āmi ati dina-mati’

(1)
āmi ati dina-mati braja-kuñje nibasati
rādhā-kṛṣṇa-jugala-caraṇe
kāṅdiyā kāṅdiyā aja chāḍi’ saba loka laja
nibedibo jata āche mane

 I am most distressed and miserable within the core of my heart. Therefore today, living in my grove at Vraja-bhūmi, I will submit to the lotus feet of the divine couple, Śrī-Śrī-Rādhā-Kṛṣṇa. Weeping and weeping today at Their lotus feet, I now give up all shyness and fear of public opinion, and I will reveal to Them all the outpourings of the inner core of my heart.

(2)
tumi kṛṣṇa nīlamaṇi naba-megha-prabhā jini’
brajānanda koro bitaraṇa
tumi rādhe naba-gaurī  gorocanā-garba hori’
braje horo kṛṣṇacandra-mana

 You are Lord Kṛṣṇa, and Your deep translucent bluish hue-like sapphires is putting to shame the luster of a fresh new rain cloud. You are distributing the blissful mood of Vraja to everyone. And You, Śrī Rādhe, are forcibly taking away the pride of brilliant yellow gorocana dye with Your fair complexion, which is decorating Your fresh blooming youth.Thus You are attracting and stealing the mind of Your moon-like Kṛṣṇa in Vraja.

(3)
tumi kṛṣṇa pītāmbare   parājiyā ārtaśware
braja-bane nitya-keli-rata
tumi rādhe nīlāmbarī   palāśera garba hari’
kṛṣṇa-keli-sahāya satata

 You, my dear Lord Kṛṣṇa, are conquering the radiant luster of pure gold with Your dazzling yellow garments. You are always very fond of performing Your amorous sports within the transcendental forests of Vraja. And You, my dear Rādhārāṇī, are wearing a brilliant blue sari which is taking away the pride of the palāśa flower, which is also blue with a white whorl in the center. You are always gracefully present as the chief companion during all the amorous games played by Kṛṣṇa.

(4)
tumi kṛṣṇa harinmaṇi   jubā-bṛnda-śiromaṇi
rādhikā tomāra prāṇeśwarī
brajaṅgaṇa-siraḥ-śobhā dhammila-mallikā-probhā
tumi rādhe kṛṣṇa-priyāṅkarī

 You, dear Lord Kṛṣṇa, like a rare, radiant emerald, are the crest jewel amongst all the youthful boys of Vṛndāvana. And Śrīmati Radhika is the Mistress of Your life. And You, Rādhe, are the topmost resplendent personality amongst all the women of Vraja. You radiate an effulgence like the fragrant white jasmine blossoms which are woven within the braided hair of all those beautiful young women, and You are the most amiable and affectionate maidservant of Kṛṣṇa.

(5)
ramā-pati-śobhā jini’ kṛṣṇa taba rūpa-khāni
jagat mātāya braja-bane
ramā jini’ brajāṅganā-  gaṇa-madhye su-śobhana
tumi rādhe kṛṣṇa-cittāṅgane

 Dear Kṛṣṇa, Your beauty and sweetness far surpasses that of Lord Viṣṇu, the husband of the Goddess of Fortune. And that form which You are displaying within the forests of Vṛndāvana is making the entire universe go mad. And You, Rādhe, are likewise surpassing the Goddess of Fortune Lakṣmī herself with Your supreme splendor which radiates outstandingly amongst all the damsel of Vraja. Thus it is only You who is dwelling in the beautiful courtyard of Kṛṣṇa’s heart.

(6)
taraṅga-saurabha-kaṇa  baṁśī-gīta anukṣaṇa
ohe kṛṣṇa rādhā-mana hore
rādhe aṅga-gandha taba tomāra su-binā-raba
kṛṣṇa-citta unmādita kore

Oh Kṛṣṇa! You are abducting Rādhārāṇī’s mind with the enchanting songs of Your flute as well by Your sweet bodily fragrance, which are both blowing like waves incessantly in the wind. Oh Rādhe! You are likewise exciting and sending Kṛṣṇa’s mind wild with Your fragrant bodily aroma and the sweet sound of Your vīṇā.

(7)
tomāra capalekṣaṇahare rādhā-dhairya-dhana
tumi kṛṣṇa cora-śiromaṇi
baṅka dṛṣṭi-bhaṅgi tabaśrī-kṛṣṇa-hṛdayāsaba
tumi rādhe kalābatī dhanī

You, my dear Kṛṣṇa, are the crest jewel of all thieves, for You rob Rādhārāṇī’s patience when You gaze upon Her with Your special fickle, amorous expression. And You, my dear Rādhe, like to sting Kṛṣṇa’s lotus heart when You look back at Him with Your falsely unfriendly expression which is just like a bumblebee. Thus He becomes maddened by Your crooked behavior. And You are also a beautiful, young maiden who is well-versed in a wealth of classical arts such as music, dancing, and singing.

(8)
parihāse rādhikāra kathā nāhi sare jāra
tumi kṛṣṇa naṭa-kula-guru
kṛṣṇa narma-ukti śuni’ romañcita tanu-khani
taba rādhe rasa-kalpa-taru

 You, Kṛṣṇa, are indeed the Master and instructor of all those who are learning dancing. Sometimes You simply cannot utter a word in reply to the confidential joking statements of Śrīmati Rādhārāṇī. You, Rādhe, then experience intense thriving jubilation throughout Your entire body when You hear Kṛṣṇa’s soft, amusing retort. Thus You are like a wish-fulfilling tree of transcendental mellows.

(9)
aprākṛta-guṇa-maṇi-binirmita-giri-śreṇi
tumi kṛṣṇa sarba-guṇa-moya
umādi ramaṇī-janabāñchanīya guṇa-gaṇa
rādhe taba swabhābika hoya

 You, dear Kṛṣṇa, are also abounding in all good qualities. Indeed, Your super-excellent transcendental qualities stand out just like a multitude of mountain ranges made of rubies. Oh Rādhe! You naturally possess all the good qualities that are desired by all the beautiful young women headed by Goddess Umā.

(10)
āmi ati manda-mati kori he kākuti nati
nikhapaṭe e prārthana kori
bṛndābana-adhīśwara tumi kṛṣṇa prāṇeśwara
tumi rādhe braja-baneśwarī

  I am extremely dull-minded and wicked; therefore I bow down pitifully before You, and offer You this humble prayer in all sincerity. You, my dear Lord Kṛṣṇa, are the Supreme Master of Vṛndāvana and the Lord of my life! And You, dear Rādhe, are the proprietress of all the transcendental forests of Vraja!

(11)
tomādera kṛpā pāie-rūpa jogyatā nāi
jadi āmāra braja-bane
duṅhe mama kṛpā-moya jāni’ kainu padāśroya
kṛpā koro e adhama jane

  I am certainly not at all fit to receive the mercy of You both in Vṛndāvana. However, I have still taken refuge at Your lotus feet for I know that You both are the topmost merciful personalities. Please be kind to this most fallen soul.

(12)
kebala ajogya nahi aparādhī āmi hoi
tathāpi koroho kṛpā dāna
loke kṛpābiṣṭa jana kṣame aparādha-gaṇa
tumi duṅhe mahā-kṛpāvān

But only am I unfit and undeserving, but I am actually an offender to Your lotus feet. Nevertheless, I still beg You Both now to bestow Your kind favor. Just as a great soul is very tolerant of the general public, compassionately forgiving their offenses, similarly You Both are certainly the most supremely sympathetic Personalities.

(13)
kṛpā-hetu bhakti-sāra  leśābhāsa nāhi tā’ra
kṛpā-adhikārī nāhi āmi|
duṅhe mahā-līleśwara    hana sei līlāpara
kṛpā koro braja-jana-swāmī

 The most essential result of Your mercy is to finally get devotional service. However, I do not possess even a fraction of a drop of devotion, for I have no right to receive Your mercy. In this world, You are the Supreme Master of the greatest pastime… the rāsa dance. So I ask You now to please be merciful to me when You are performing this most unlimited pastime within this universe, oh Lord of the Brijbasis.

(14)
su-duṣṭa abhakta jane  sibādi debata-gaṇe
prasanna hoilo kṛpā kori’
mahā-līlā sarbeśwara   duṅhu mama prāṇeśwara
doyā koro doṣa parihori’

  You have shown Your supreme rasa dance to all in this world, including all the demigods headed by Lord Śiva, and even to the most wicked persons and non-devotees. Thus You pleased all the living entities within the universe. You Both are the Masters of this mahā-līlā, the Lords of all Lords, and the Lords of my life. Please show Your leniency by disregarding all of my past offenses.

(15)
adhame uttama maṇi mūḍha bijña abhimānī
duṣṭa hana siṣṭa-abhimāna
ei doṣe doṣi hana gelo ciro-dina bana
nā korinu bhajana-bidhāna

 Some of my offenses are as follows: I have accepted my most degraded self to be the best man of all. Even though I am foolish like an ass, I consider myself to be very wise due to my false sentimentality. Thus I have actually become most polluted and mischievous underneath my false conception of being gentle and good-natured. Being guilty of these offenses, I have spent many days without ever worshiping You.

(16)
tathāpi e dīna-jane jadi nāma-uccaraṇe
nāmābhāse korilo jībane
sarba-doṣa-nibaraṇa duṅhu nāma-sañjalpana
prasāde prasīda dui jane

  In spite of all these offenses, I pray that if ever in my life this most fallen soul has once accidentally uttered just a faint glimpse of Your holy name, without offence, then kindly mitigate all of my faults and allow me to chant Your name simply for the pleasure of You Both.

(17)
bhakti-laba-mātre khoyasarba-aparādhā hoya
kṣama-śīla duṅhera kṛpāya
e āśā mane dhori’ caraṇe prārthana kori’
śodha doṣa kṣamiyā amāya

 Even the most minute trace of devotion can completely destroy all offensive faults, for I know that the causeless mercy of You Both is most forgiving by nature. Keeping this in mind as my last hope, I offer this humble prayer at Your lotus feet. Please forgive me and rectify all of my offenses.

(18)
sādhana-sampatti-hīna  ohe e jība dīna
ati-kaṣṭe dhṛṣṭatara chāra
duṅhu pada-nipatita prārthana koroye hita
prasannatā hauka doṅhāra

 Alas, this most fallen soul is completely bereft of the priceless treasure of devotional service. I am so degraded, and I remain in great difficulty due to my shameless arrogance. Falling down and grasping the lotus feet of You Both, I now pray simply for the benefit of seeing You become satisfied by my prayers.

(19)
dante tṛṇa dhori’ hāya kāṅditeche ubharāya
e pāpī kampita śarīra
ha nātha ha nātha boli’ho’ye aji kṛtāñjali
prasāda arpiyā koro sthira

 Alas! This sinner’s whole body is trembling, and clutching clumps of straw between his teeth, he weeps and wails piteously at the top of his voice, “Oh my Lord! Oh Nātha! Today, with folded hands, I beg that You pacify me by bestowing Your kind favor!”

(20)
e durbhaga ha ha sware prasāda prārthanā kore
anutāpe gaḍāgaḍi jāya
he rādhe he kṛṣṇacandraśuno mama kāku-bāda
tuṅhu kṛpā binā prāṇa jāya

 This most unfortunate, miserable soul now prays for mercy, crying out in a piteous, remorseful voice while rolling on the ground in repentance. Oh Rādhe! Oh Kṛṣṇa-candra!, please hear my mournful prayers, for my life is departing without the causeless mercy of You Both!

(21)
phutkāra koriyā kāṅde  āhā āhā kāku-nāde
bole hao prasanna amāya
ei to’ ajogya janekṛpā koro nija-guṇe
koruṇa-sāgara rākho pāya

 Please become pleased with me, for I am sobbing aloud and crying, alas, alas! in a great pitiful uproar just to petition You. By Your own divine qualities, please favor this most unworthy and undeserving soul and keep me always at Your lotus feet. You are Both just like an ocean of compassion.

(22)
mukhete aṅguṣṭha diyā  uccaiḥsware ārta hana
kāṅdite kāṅdite bole nātha
koruṇa-kaṇikā-dānerākha koro mora prāṇe
koro ei dine ātma-śāṭha

 Now I am biting my thumb to try to check my crying from making a public disturbance. But still, being most aggrieved, I am weeping and weeping in a loud voice just to call on You, oh Lord! Please give me just one small grain of Your mercy in charity and thus save my life. Kindly capture this lowly soul and make me Your very own.

(23)
e taba mūḍha-jana dīna-bākye su-krandana
prārthanā koroye dṛḍha-mane
he koruṇā-sunidhāna anugati koro dāna
koruṇormi-cchaṭā braja-bane

 Thus Your most ignorant, foolish devotee prays to You in great determination with humble, distressed words while sobbing and weeping. Oh treasure-house of compassion! Please award me with personal service to You and thus display Your splendrous shining rays of that compassion in Vṛndāvana!

(24)
bhāba citta-sukhakara  jata āche su-madhura
prakaṭāprakaṭa līlā-sthāne
rādhā-kṛṣṇa-prema-sāra sakalera sārāt sāra
sei bhāba jeni kṛpā-bale

 All the places of Kṛṣṇa’s manifested and unmanifested transcendental pastimes are the repository of various conscious pleasure-giving ecstasies, which are all super-sweet. Out of all of these ecstasies, the quintessence of ecstatic love between Rādhā and Kṛṣṇa is definitely the best, the topmost expression of pure love. And that ecstasy is worshiped by a rare, great personality only on the strength of Their mercy.

(25)
jadi e dāsīra prati prasanna koruṇā-mati
duṅhu pada-sebā koro dāna
āra kichu nāhi cāijugala-caraṇa pāi
śītala hauka mora prāṇa

 If You Both are ever pleased with this maidservant, then kindly manifest Your favorable inclination towards me by granting me the service of Your four lotus feet. There’s really nothing more that I want than to get those two pairs of lotus feet, so I request You to please grant this favor and thus soothe my heart.

(26)
anātha-batsala tumi adhama anātha āmi
twadīya sākṣāt-dāsya māgi
e prasāda koro dāna rākho anātheraprāṇa
chāḍi’ saba taba dāsya māgi

 I know that You are most kind and affectionate to those who are helpless without their master. I am actually such a fallen soul who is also berft of my Master, and feeling so helpless. Therefore I am now begging for Your persona service. Please grant this favor just to save the life of this helpless orphan. Giving up everything else, I am now begging only for Your service.

(27)
śirete añjali dhori’   o-pade bijapti kori
āmāra abhīṣṭa nibedana
eka-bāra dāsya diyā śītala koro he hiyā
tabe māni sārthāka jībana

 Clasping my head with both hands, I am lying flat before those lotus feet making this request… my most cherished prayer. Please, please soothe my heart by giving me Your service just once only. Then and then only will I consider this life to be successful.

(28)
kabe duṅhe ei bane, bilokibo sammilane
amūlyāṅga-parimala-ghrāṇa
āmāra nāsikā-dware, prabeśiyā citta-pure
acaitanya koribe bidhāna

 When will I be able to wistfully observe You Both encountering each other within the transcendental forest? The sweet nectarine fragrance produced by the meeting of Your precious forms will pass through my nostrils and, entering into my heart, will immediately knock me unconscious.

(29)
duṅhāra nūpura-dhwani  haṁsa-kaṇṭha-swara jini’
madhura madhura mama kāne
prabeśiyā kona kṣaṇe   mama citta-surañjane
mātāibe sebā-rasa-pāne

 The tinkling sound of both of Your anklebells together, surpasses the sweet sound produced by the swan. It is transcendentally sweet; so sweet that immediately upon entering my ears, my heart will become so charmed that I will go ragingly wild to drink more of the liquid nectar-mellows of Your service.

(30)
cakrādi saubhāgyāspada bilakhita duṅhu pada
cihna ei bṛndābana-bane
dekhiyā e dāsī kabe bhāsibe ānandotsabe
duṅhu kṛpā peye saṅgopane

 The nineteen most auspicious marks of the wheel, conch, lotus, rātha, etc., which are unique to both of Your lotus feet, are visible on the ground all throughout the forests of Vṛndāvana. When will this maidservant become drowned in a festival of bliss to see those marks, thereby secretly receiving the mercy of You both in this way.

(31)
sakala-saundarjāspada  nīrājita duṅhu pada
he rādhe he nandera nandana
mamākhi-gocare kabe sarbādbhuta-mahotsabe
koribe ānanda-bitaraṇa

Oh Rādhe! Oh son of Mahārāja Nanda! The lotus feet of You Both are fit for being worshiped wit all kinds of suitable paraphernalia, and they are indeed worshiped by the highest excellence of beauty itself. When, oh when will my eyes behold the wonderfully astonishing pastimes performed by Your lotus feet, which will give me a great festival of happiness?

(32)
pracīnāśā phala-pūrti  tuṅhu padāmbhuja-sphūrti
sei duṅhu jana-daraśana
e janme ki habe mama   e utkaṇṭhā su-biṣama
bicalita kore mama mana

 Just a glimpse of Your lotus feet fulfills all of one’s most cherished longings; this is the real benefit for one who has Your vision. But I am worrying now that, without Your audience, what will become of my life now? The suspense of this unbearable anxiety has greatly perturbed my mind.

(33)
kabe āmi bṛndābana- kuñjāntare daraśana
koribo sundara duṅhu jane
surata-līlāya rataāmā hoite adūrata
preme magna ha’bo daraśane

 When will I ever have the vision of Your two exquisite forms within a bower in Vṛndāvana? Observing Your most intimate pastimes of conjugal love being enacted so close by, I will become overwhelmed and drowned in ecstatic love at such a sight.

(34)
ghaṭanābaśataḥ kabe duṅhu joga asambhabe
paraspara sandeśa āniyā
bāḍāibo duṅhu sukha jabe tabe mano-duḥkha
bāḍāibo ānande mātiyā

 In the course of Your transcendental pastimes, sometimes You are separated from each other, and thereby fell great distress. When will I ever be allowed, at that time, to act as a messenger and bring Your secret messages back and forth to each other? Since such messages contain news of the rare, uncommon union of You Both, hearing them will only increase Your happiness and dispel the distress of being separated from one another. Thus I will carry these messages to and fro, and in so doing I will excitedly stroll along, completely besides myself and overwhelmingly absorbed in great delight.

(35)
kabe ei bṛndābane duṅhu duṅha adarśane
phire ja’bo duṅhe anweṣiyā
sammilana korāibo hara-padakādi pā’bo
parituṣṭa duṅhāre koriyā

 In Vṛndāvana, sometimes You Both are deprived of the vision of each other. When will wander all over the forest in search of You Both? I will bring You together again, and You will be so pleased with me that You will reward me by giving me some ornaments that You had used such as Your anklebells, toe-rings, necklaces, lockets, etc.

(36)
duṅhe hāra dhori’ paṇe dyūta-krīḍā samāpane
āmi jayī āmi jayī boli’
koribe kalaha tabehara-saṅgrahete kabe
āmi tāhā dekhibo sakali

 During another pastime, You Both place a wager on a necklace and being gambling over it, placing different kinds of bets with the rolling of dice. When the game is over, each of You separately exclaims, ” I WIN, I WIN!”. Then there is a big quarrel as You Both struggle together, each attempting to collect the necklace at stake. When will I ever be able to witness all of these wonderful sports?

 (37)
āhā kabe dui jane kuñja-mājhe su-sayane
kusuma-śayyāya birāmibe
se samaye duṅhu pada   sambahana-susampada
e dāsīra saubhāgya milibe

 Oh, when will I behold You two Divine Personalities reclining and lounging leisurely upon a beautiful bed of flowers within a forest grove? Taking the opportunity at that time, I will massage the most auspicious treasure of Your lotus feet, and in this way shall this maidservant meet with her good fortune.

(38)
kandarpa-kalahodgāre   chiṇḍibe kaṇṭhera hāre
latā-gṛhe paḍibe khāsiyā
se hāra gānthite kabe  e dāsī nijukta ha’be
duṅhu kṛpā-ājñā śire pāñā

Sometimes, during the struggle of contending with Cupid, one of Your necklaces accidentally becomes broken, and the pieces fall and scatter all over the creeper-shaded bower. When will this maidservant take Your merciful order upon her head, and be appointed to re-string that very same necklace?

(39)
keli-kallolera jabe duṅhu kesa srasta habe
dui-janara iṅgita pāiyā
śikhi-piñcha kore dhori’ kuntala-madhita kori’
āmi rabo ānande ḍubiyā

 Sometimes, due to the restless sporting of Your amouros games, Your hair will fall loose. Heeding Your gesture towards me, I will then com Your hair with a peacock tail comb  and thus redecorate Your lovely tresses. In this way I will remain submerged and drowned in pure ecstasy.

(40)
kandarpa-krīḍāya jabe  duṅhu srak srasta ha’be
tabe āmi duṅhu ājñā pāñā
ubhaya lalāṭa-mājhe koribo tilaka-sāje
matta ha’be se śobhā dekhiyā

 Sometimes, due to being jostled about during Cupid’s amorous games, Your flower garlands, necklaces, earrings, crowns and other decorations may become ruffled and disarrayed out of place. At that time, upon receiving Your order, I will rearrange all those scattered ornaments, and then redecorate Your foreheads with fresh tilaka. Thus I will go mad just seeing Your splendors beauty.

(41)
kṛṣṇa taba bakhe āmi   bana-mala diyā swāmī
rādhe taba nayane kajjala
kuñja-mājhe kona dina  pā’bo sukha samīcīna
preme citta ha’be ṭalamala

 Oh! I will get enough happiness to satisfy my longings when I am placing a garland of fresh forest flowers upon Your chest! Oh Rādhe! And likewise when I am re-applying black mascara around Your lotus eyes! When will that day be mine when I can render such services within a bower in Vṛndāvana? Then my heart will throb in ecstatic love for You Both.

(42)
kabe jāmbunada-barṇa   loiyā tāmbūla-parṇa
śirā śūnya karpūrādi-juta
bīṭika nirmāṇa kori’   duṅhu mukhe dibo dhori’
preme citta ha’be paripluta

When can I prepare first-class betel for You both to chew? Picking fresh gold-colored betel leaves, I will remove the stems and add fragrant spices and camphor, Then, rolling the leaves into a cone shape and making it nice, I will place them into Your lotus mouths. At that moment my heart will become overflooded with ecstatic love for You.

(43)
kothā e durāśā mora kothā e duṣkarma ghora
e prārthanā jodi bolo keno
he rādhe he ghana-śyāma duṅhu jana-guṇa-grāma
mādhurī bolāya more heno

 Why am I revealing such far-off, impossible dreams in these prayers when I am in reality so deeply sunk into the dark well of sinful materialistic activities? Oh Rādhe! Oh Ghanaśyāma! Your own maddening sweetness is actually making me speak all these things about Your transcendentally glorious qualities!

(44)
duṅhāra je kṛpā-guṇe   pāinu dhāma-bṛndābane
se kṛpā abhīṣṭa-pūraṇa
koruṇa āmāya nātha  pāñā tunu sakhī-sāṭha
kuñja-sebā pāi anukṣaṇa

 By Your supreme transcendental quality of mercy I have attained residence in the spiritual abode of Śrī Vṛndāvana, and this mercy has fulfilled all of my most cherished longings. Oh Lord! Now please let me have eternal service in Your pleasure-gardens in the company of Your most beloved girlfriends and maidservants!

(45)
ohe rādhe ohe kṛṣṇa sei braja-rasa-tṛṣṇa
kārpaṇya-pañjikā-kathā-chale
jalpana koroye sadā tā’ra bāñchā-pūrti tadā
koruna duṅhu kṛpā-bale

 Oh Rādhe! Oh Kṛṣṇa! On the plea of narrating this diary of my greedy, selfish desires for Your humble service (kārpaṇya-pañjikā), I have thus revealed my incredible thirst for all these liquid mellows of Vraja. All of these thirsty longings are just bottled up inside my heart, and I am incessantly cherishing the constant churning of these hopes within my mind. Please, I beg You Both, please therefore fulfill all these spiritual desires for Your service. I am appealing to You now on the strength of Your own causeless mercy.

(46)
śrī-rūpa-mañjarī-pada  śire dhori’ su-sampada
kamala-mañjarī kore āśā
śrī-godruma-braja-bane duṅhu līlā-sandarśane
pūrṇa hao rasera pipāsā

 Holding upon her head her most treasured possesion (the lotus feet of Śrī Rūpa Mañjarī), this Kamala Mañjarī hopes that by thus observing Their eternal pastimes going on within this transcendental forest of Vraja at Godruma, Navadvīpa, then her craving thirst for such mellows will finally be quenched.

Thus Ends the Second Chapter of Gītā Mālā
entitled Kārpaṇya Pañjikā (Diary of Humble Selfishness for Service)